Thursday, February 6, 2014

My Edible Sunshine: Amanda Carney

My Edible Sunshine: Amanda Carney

Meet Amanda Carney, Holistic Nutritionist, of "My Edible Sunshine" and "Crafted Wellness"!  




Amanda is a holistic nutritionist from Pleasantville, NY who currently runs her business digitally and in person between Briarcliff, NY and Orlando, FL. Amanda steered out into business on her own and sometimes partners with her friend and peer Jackie Damboragian to guide others towards healthful, ethical and delicious foods that nourish the body and soul.  In this interview Amanda told me exactly what she does as a "Holistic Nutritionist" and how she found her vision and what steps she took to turn it into a reality.  If you are looking to improve your overall health and happiness she is a great go-to resource through the guidance on her blog and website and her one-to-one and group coaching.  If you want to reach Amanda after reading this I will add her contact information at the bottom or you can go to one of the two links above, "My Edible Sunshine" and "Crafted Wellness" and reach her through there.  Enjoy!



Q: Amanda, can you tell us exactly what a "holistic nutritionist" is and does?

Holistic health stresses the importance of taking the whole person into account when considering their health and well being, and understanding that everything is interconnected (both physical and emotional).  As a holistic health coach, I work to help others understand this concept so I can better support them as they make changes to improve their health and happiness by addressing all areas of their life.
I have seen classmates do many things with their training, such as build their own health coaching practice, develop healthy food products, open restaurants that focus on healthy eating, work to create health and wellness programs that operate worldwide, form partnerships with doctors to integrate the importance of food and lifestyle into their medical practice, and much more, all with the intent to share the message of health, and to empower others with information and education that will allow them to create optimal health and well being in a natural way.

Q: Was this always a career you wanted to pursue or is it something you came upon later in life? Why?

I first feel in love with holistic health and healing when I was about 24, and I began spending my free time reading books and watching documentaries on different topics that related to natural healing (and often preaching to others about what I had learned).  But it wasn’t until years later that I actually thought about turning that love into a career.
At age 27, I was sitting in a hostel bed somewhere in Italy and I was taking notes from an Andrew Weil book (who is still, to this day, one of my favorite health gurus).  As I read about the wide variety of vitamins and minerals the body needs to function properly and evaluated my own diet, out of nowhere I had this “ah-ha” moment about turning this passion into an occupation.
At this point in my life, I had been bartending since college, traveling around the world with the money I made from bartending, and I was still completely unsure of what I wanted to do when I “grew up.”  I knew that the office gig wasn’t for me, but I had no idea what I was meant to do.  At that moment, sitting in that hostel bed in Italy, I realized what it might be.  I thought to myself, if I love learning about this stuff, and I love the way it makes me feel, then I am sure that other people will want to learn about it to!  I can help them by sharing all that I know and all that I have experienced!
From there, I began researching what people were doing in this field.  There were licensed nutritionists, integrative doctors, weight watchers, life coaches… the list went on.  After checking out a number of different programs and considering a few different options, I decided on The Institute for Integrative Nutrition because their core philosophy matched my belief system – that we are all different with different needs, and therefore there is no one diet or lifestyle that will work for everyone.  Now, after completing my training and building my own health coaching practice over the past 2 years, I get to witness huge transformation in peoples lives by simply honoring their individual needs.



Q: What are the steps you took in order to turn the idea of becoming a nutritionist into a reality?

I started slowly and spent time checking out my options and seeing what was out there.  I was originally pulled towards getting a Masters because I felt that it made me more desirable to the public, but as I learned more about different programs and tapped into what I actually wanted to create, I realized that it was most important to me to incorporate a holistic approach, something that the health coaching program at Institute for Integrated Nutrition really focused on.I continued to bartend and waitress while I was in the program, and began cutting back on the “casual” spending that I was used to.  I created MyEdibleSunshine.com so I could share all that I was learning in a fun and assessable way, and began running workshops to share information on general health topics to groups of people (clean eating, superfoods, digestion and energy, etc.).
My practice is still a work in progress, and I think it always will be, but I finally feel confident that I am on the right path, one that will allow me to continue to evolve and grow.

Q: What bumps did you encounter once you actively began to pursue your vision?

For me, one of the biggest bumps I encountered was feeling financially stressed for one of the first times in my life.  AT 15, I got my first job, and from then on had been blessed with jobs that provided me with financial security and also allowed me the freedom to do what I pleased.  When I made the decision to step away from the restaurant and fully commit to health coaching, it was scary, and learning how to say no to trips, dinners and shopping was extra difficult.  I understand that this is a good problem to have, and in no way do I feel sorry for myself, but it was the first time I wasn’t sure if I would be able to make my car payments and wasn’t able to pay off my credit card each month.  I never realized the kind of strains this causes, and learning how to deal with those strains was a big lesson for me.

Q: What do you feel is the best part of your job?

I guess the best part of my job is that I get to live life as this big experiment.  When I realized that I should see each day as a learning opportunity, my whole perspective changed.  If I was going to be guiding and supporting others as they make healthy changes, I needed to know what foods to recommend, how to connect with them, understand what they might be going through, and offer advice from personal experience along with the knowledge I acquired in books.  Each day, I am obligated to try something new, learn about a healthy food or health condition, practice a new form of exercise, or whatever else comes into my life.  These experiences make me more relatable, and give me a broader knowledge base to connect with and help support others best.

Q: When things get tough, how do you keep yourself going?

When things get tough, there is usually this beautiful lesson on the other side, so I try to remind myself of that and then determine how to best work through it.  I worked with an amazing business coach for about a year, and she taught me to take note of the things that I am doing when I feel really good.  This way, I know what I can do when I am feeling run down, worn out, defeated, distracted, sad, disconnected, uncertain, stuck, and all of the other emotions that I may experience.  With this tip, I have learned that writing and spending time in nature help me to find creativity when I am feeling dull.  I have found that journaling helps me feel clear when I am feeling uncertain and overwhelmed.  I have learned that yoga and meditation help keep me present, calm and trusting in each moment, relieving me of stress and anxiety.  Reading and learning helps me to feel inspired when I am feeling like I just want to lie in bed or park my butt in front of the TV.  It has been extremely helpful to turn to this advice when things are feeling a little off balance, as I have learned what can get me back on track and feeling secure in what I am working to create.

Q:  What three things/people/ROLES have contributed most to your success?

Like I mentioned previously, I was traveling a lot when I discovered my love for food and healing, and during that time I also learned a lot about myself, my priorities, my perspectives, and what that all meant to the world around me.  Traveling by myself for 2 months in Australia and New Zealand, I learned what it meant to be alone, to trust in myself, and to look inward instead of outward when I was feeling like I needed something more.  In Chile, I spent 5 days hiking in Torres Del Paine carrying all of my food and camping gear on my back and sharing a small tent with a friend.  This taught me how to communicate openly and honestly, showed me how to put all the bullshit aside, and how to really appreciate the beauty that surrounds me at every moment even when I am tired, sore and in pain.  In Italy, I learned a new appreciation for my family, in Berlin, a deeper love for one of my best friends, and in Peru, I learned how to let go of planning and allow each day to take me where it may.
Traveling has made me the person that I am, and I will always and forever thank that time in my life for teaching me all that it did.
Yoga is a close second for me, as I have learned the connectedness of all things through my practice.  At first, I began to see changes in myself on the mat while practicing the poses and the flow of yoga – how my body moved and how my opinions of certain postures began to lighten (for example, the “oh god I hate this pose” began to change into “this is now, and it will not be forever”).  About a year in, I began to feel the connection between my breath and my movements, and this is where the real magic happened.  I found a new love and respect for breathing as I experienced how it allowed me to get fully present in each moment, on or off the mat.  As I continued to learn more about the practice, I was amazed to see that practicing the yoga postures is just a small part of the yogic philosophy, and since then, I have been learning more and more about how to integrate this ancient healing philosophy into my life.
The past 7 years have been pretty transformational for me, and over the past 4 years my partner Tim has been supportive and understanding of my never-ending need to shift, grow and learn.  He continues to encourage me when I am feeling down, motivate me when I am feeling dull, and knows how to let me go and do my thing when I have a new obstacle to tackle.  He has shown me what true love and support feels like, and I am extremely grateful for him.



Q: If you knew then what you know now, what would you tell your 18-year-old self?

I would explain the beauty of trusting in each moment, the importance of finding the lesson in each experience, and the power of believing in myself.

Q: For a woman (or anyone starting their own business), what three things are most critical for them to be aware of?

Most importantly, I would say that it is ok (and sometimes necessary) to ask for and receive support.  When you are embarking on a journey to start your own business, or even something similar, there are a lot of factors involved, and it is ok to not know how to do all of them.  Get support!  Ask for help!  Figure out where you struggle (or even what you aren’t excited about) and find someone who can help.
Secondly I would explain that it takes work.  Not the kind of “sucking it up and getting it done” kind of work (although you will definitely experience that too), but the kind of work that opens you up emotionally, work that pushes you mentally, work that you must own and take full responsibility for, which can be a really scary, but also a really beautiful thing.
Third, I would share how rewarding the work can be.  It can feel extremely intimidating and overwhelming at times, but it also nourishes this other part of you that makes you come alive!  It helps you learn and grow, gives you a new appreciation for yourself and those around you, and gives you an opportunity to work really hard for what you love.

Q: What was the most defining moment in your career to date?

About a year ago, I was at a social event and I got chatting with a couple I was meeting for the first time.  After chatting for a few minutes, they asked what I do for work.  This question is one that I always wanted to avoid because I was nervous of what the person asking would think.  I would squirm and give a half-ass answer about being a health coach, BUT (there was always a but) I was still in school OR I was just starting out OR I was still picking up shifts at the restaurant.  I always threw a comment in that would cut me down.  There were a few reasons I would do this; I was scared about others not taking me seriously, I felt uncomfortable about following my dream when they were might be working the 9-5, and I felt like I didn’t deserve to call myself a health coach.
At this moment a year ago, I dropped the bullshit, told them that I was a health coach and explained a little about what I do.  They were excited and asked a few more questions, curious what it was like working with clients, what my programs look like, when my next workshop was, and how I got into this.  When the 3-minute conversation about “my job” was over, I realized that I had survived.  No one died, no one felt bad, and actually, they seemed to walk away feeling inspired about healthy eating, discussing with one another how they should “really start drinking smoothies again.”  It was a success!  I realized in that moment that by cutting myself down and not sharing myself authentically I was preventing the message (my message) from getting out there.  I was denying people the opportunity to think about their health!  I was sabotaging the work that I was dedicated to.  This was a big realization for me, and since then, I share my story with pride and enthusiasm.


Q: What three things could you not live without?


I surround myself with books.  They make me happy, they teach me so much, and they bring me back to certain times in my life.  I have gained so much from all of the books in my life over the years, and I could not imagine living a life without them.
Music has always spoken to me.  I remember knowing all of the words to every tape my mom played during road trips.  I remember spending hours making mix CD’s for friends.  For me, there was always an escape in music.  It was a reason to dance, a reason to sing, or a reason to just lie down and listen.  I have always loved listening to lyrics and connecting to someone else’s experience through a beautiful string of words.  I listen to music everyday, and I always will.
Whenever I start to feel disconnected, uneasy, and anxious, or like I have spent all day frying my brain in front of the computer, I go outside, take my shoes off and dig my feet into the grass.  This small action does wonders for my mind and my body.  It helps me disconnect from work, from “to-do” lists and social media, and allows me to get back in touch with nature, puts me back in the present moment, and helps me to feel grounded and free.  There is scientific research about allowing ourselves to be barefoot on the earth and how it helps our body get back in tune with the rhythms of the universe, and although I fully believe in that, I also know it just helps me feel really good, almost instantaneously.


To reach Amanda or for further info go to: http://myediblesunshine.com/contact-me/



Thursday, January 30, 2014

"Love Filled Journeys"

Dear Reader,

I started this blog as a way to reach out to others who have had a vision or goal and learn from them as they discuss how they've turned it into fruition.  While I have been rounding people up and setting up interviews and emailing out questionnaires to publish on the blog, I realized this has also turned into a place where I talk about my journey(s) through my life, the everyday and beyond.

I feel that everyday we take many different journeys, whether they be literal or figurative.  The journey to get to work, the journey to create a home filled with love, the journey to eat healthy, the journey through a break-up, a career change, a cancer diagnosis, death of a loved one.  I feel that some journeys are inherently awesome - like falling in love or starting that new job you worked really hard for, while others not so much.  My father is currently going through a journey with a rare lymphoma diagnosis and subsequent treatment.  However, I have found that no matter what journeys life presents me with I always have a choice.   To take the journey with love or with fear.

Two years ago I fell in love for the first time in my life.  I was living in South Florida and had already made plans to move back to New York to start my graduate degree.  I had a crush on an acquaintance of mine and told my friend.  She told me to ask him out but I argued with her using every excuse in the book.  The best one being, "what's the point - I'm moving to NY in six months".  My friend, ever the romantic and optimist, said "just do it, you never know".  That night I messaged him on Facebook because I was too scared to ask him out in person.  We started dating, fell in love and had a decision to make.  We could break up, I could forgo grad school and stay in Florida or we could try long-distance.  We went into it knowing the risks of long-distance relationships but also knowing it was the right thing for us at that point in time.  We choose to take that journey with love in our hearts instead of fear.  A little over a year and a half later I am almost finished with grad school and we are planning my move back down.
My boyfriend, Sean, and I on Christmas Eve 2013

When my father was diagnosed a few months ago I was petrified.  He was diagnosed with an incredibly rare, dangerous non-hodgkin lymphoma.  However, I am no stranger to cancer.  Eight years ago my mother had breast cancer.  At that time, I chose fear and avoidance.  I was young.  I stayed out all night partying with my friends and trying to numb my way through my mother's diagnosis.  I also felt like I understood breast cancer.  Tumor. Chemo. Recovery. (For those who are not too far progressed like my mother's - Thank God for early detection).  In knowing this, I felt like I just wanted to black out until she was fixed.  My dad's was not so clean-cut.  He was sick for months with blood tests coming back and doctor's trying to figure out what was going on.  Then one day I looked at him after an appointment and without him even telling me I knew something was wrong.  He was yellow.  The man who was my rock and constant looked so sick.  For days we waited to find out a diagnosis.  While torturous, I was fully present with my father and my family. The difference this time was I chose love over fear.  I was in constant touch with my parents and siblings, praying and reaching out to others for my own emotional health.  While my father is still going through treatment I am hopeful, my heart fills with love every time I speak with him because I realize how lucky I am.  At this moment in time I have my dad and I can be the daughter I wasn't a few years ago when my mom was sick.
My father and I (at 3 years old).
My father at Christmas this year with my dog, Tucker.

So, I've decided to rename the blog: "Love Filled Journeys".  Soon, I will be posting on my domain under "lovefilledjourneys.com".  However, while that is under construction here are the journeys I am
on and the features I am setting up for the blog and website.

My Current Love Filled Journeys:

12 Months of Self-Help/Inner Discoveries/Motivation and more! 

I've decided one of my journeys for this year was to read through a bunch of the books concerning personal development/inner discoveries/motivation I've had collecting dust by my bed.  I hate the word "self-help" I feel it implies our innate "self" is not good enough and that we must extract from the external to become better people.  However, what I love about this time we are in is I feel there is a new wave of awesome women and men who are working to help people tap into their own talents and innate gifts.  This wave of "personal-development" is really saying we are "enough" and we already have what it takes to create the lives we want, we just need to learn how to access the tools inside ourselves. I want to truly work through some of my blocks that are limiting me in doing things I love because of fear. The plan is to post about each book and the journey I take while reading the books and working through my blocks.
The four I have at the top are:
1. "The Desire Map" By Danielle LaPorte, discussed in my previous post: "Multi-tasking and The Desire Map"
2. "The Gift of Change" by Marianne Williamson
3. "The Generosity Plan: Sharing Your Time, Treasure and Talent to Shape the World" by Kathy LeMay
4. "May Cause Miracles" by Gabrielle Bernstein






Journey through "Yoga Teacher Training"

Yes!  I am currently half-way through my yoga teacher training with Lois Nesbitt of Blue Sky Yoga and Jessica Bellofatto owner of Kama Deva Yoga in East Hampton.  I will be posting updates from each of my training weekends and the progress I am making through my studies!
My Teachers: Lois Nesbitt and Jessica Bellofatto
Winter's Night Teacher Training Observations at Mandala Yoga in Amagansett, NY

Fear Files: 

As I said above I am working busting through my own blocks to conquer my fear and create more room for love and freedom in my life.  I grew up a fearful child.  I was insecure and always felt I didn't have enough or that I was enough.  While I have done a lot of work in the department of self-love, one of the things I still struggle with is my desire to fulfill my artistic side with music and performance while being deathly afraid of failing at something I love so much.  I am building a section called the "Fear Files" where I write down my list of fears and try to conquer them one by one.
The first two in my fear files are:
1. Take an acting class and report back - Signed up for March
2. Sing on stage - Signed up for a vocal course and am performing in May

Here is something from my "Fear Files" (singing again) that I though I'd put up now to get the ball rolling: please excuse any guitar mistakes!! (I taught myself the last 2 years:)



My other objective for the "Fear Files" are to have guest writers come on "The Squeaky Wheelchair", and have them recount stories of fears they have conquered through action.


Looking forward to the future with some amazing "love filled journeys!"

xx Mary

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Posts of the Week

With our recent snowfall I have spent a lot of time indoors in the past 48 hours.  This gave me some leisure time to read a lot of articles, blogs and explore the web on life, yoga, health and well-being.   Here are my weeks favorites. To access them just click on the title!  Enjoy! 


From Mindbodygreen.com


1. "30 Things to Do Before You Die" by Shannon Kaiser


2.  "Life Lessons That are True at Any Age" by John Kim




From theperpetualvacation.com

1. "A Brief Guide to Living On Your Own Terms" by Marcella Chamorro





From Psychologytoday.com


1. "If You're Turning 30 and Freaking Out" by Jen Kim (an older post - but I found it and it totally resonated with where I am in in my life right now - awesome read!)



From Elephant Journal



Saturday, January 18, 2014

Multitasking and "The Desire Map"

I am a TERRIBLE multitasker.  My boyfriend, family and friends can all tell you that I am not someone who can sit at a table, hold a conversation with the person opposite of myself and text at the same time.  I lose focus easily if I am trying to accomplish on more then one thing at a time.


However, I am also someone who always has a million things going in my life at a given period.  I am naturally just the type of person who enjoys being busy and exploring different interests.  I don't like to be bored.  This creates a dilemma for myself.  How can I be involved in different things to fulfill my always hungry appetite for life while efficiently catering to the tasks I have in front of me?  




To answer that question; I've decided this year I wanted to create a goal for myself where I focus on one thing at a time.  To so many people this probably sounds silly.  Of course you can only focus on one thing at a time, that's not hard.  For me it is.  So while this goal does not mean I will only have one thing going on in my life at a time, it does mean that while I'm working on a task I will be present and not attending to something else simultaneously. 

This goal includes books I am reading.  At any given time I have about eight or nine books next to my bed, mostly yoga, self-help and crime novels.  In a given evening I will usually pick up three of these books.  My goal for this area of my life is to only read one book within one genre at a time, as well as sticking to one book a night.  
The inside of my bag packed for a two-hour
break this afternoon between yoga sessions.
Self-induced ADD much?
In the spirit of my search to uncover my dreams I have been paying attention to blogs concerned with job direction, spirituality and female-empowerment.  Within these blogs I recently started seeing the name Danielle LaPorte and I looked her up.  She seems like an awesome chick.  From what I've gathered she's a no-nonsense, empowerment warrior looking to help people find the direction of their dreams.  Forbes.com referred to her work as "Self-help meets marketing ninja". (Forbes, Forbes.com)

She created a book called "The Desire Map" and of course, I immediately ordered it on Amazon without even looking at what it "mapped" out.  I figured I "desire" to find my calling and I need a "map" to get me to there.  Boom. Done and Done.

Luckily, after making my impulse purchase, I looked further and the tagline on the cover read: "A Guide to Creating Goals with Soul".  As I've expressed earlier in this blog I am searching for ways to create goals within my life that will aid me in creating a career that I love.  

Underneath the tagline is two sentences that read: "Knowing how you want to feel is the most potent clarity you can have.  Generating those feelings is the most powerful thing you can do with your life." (Danielle LaPorte, "The Desire Map")

Genius.  Looking to create a life based on feelings rather then ideas.  I think.  SO to start off this resolution of focusing on one thing at a time - I am starting this book.  While I and go through this book I am putting down ALL other books (at least in the self-help, spiritual categories), and I will report back on my findings! 

To learn more about Danielle LaPorte and "The Desire Map" click here: Danielle LaPorte

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Expectation is the root of all heartache

"Meditation practice isn't about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It's about befriending who we are already."   - Pema Chödrön

Dear Reader,

I started this blog intent on gaining insight and inspiration from others in hopes of uncovering a "career path" for myself.  Without trying to sound too "hippy-dippy" I do have faith, that eventually, if I trust in the universe and a God of my understanding this career path will reveal itself to me.  However, I also  I believe in the saying, "faith without works is dead."  I can pray and pray to find my path but I have to put in the work as well.

I am an inherently high-strung person with large bursts of energy and creativity followed by quick dips and exhaustion.  When I get fired up about a project there is no stopping me within that particular moment, however, I lose steam fast because I struggle to harness my energy and use it wisely.



Essentially, I'm all or nothing.

However,




One tool I have incorporated into my footwork has been meditation. Meditation is not something that is natural for me. One of the reasons I initially felt so uncomfortable with meditation was that I had to sit with myself for more then two minutes at a time without distraction.

As Pema Chodron noted above, meditation is a practice where we look within ourselves to find ourselves and then befriend the person we meet.  A few years ago I had no idea who that person was.

As a young child I was always slightly insecure and thrived on validation from others.  At nine years old we moved from one town on Long Island to another.  The towns were vastly different on both a socioeconomic standpoint as well as diversity.  In my old town I had a group of friends who liked doing the same activities I did, such as dance and girl scouts.  My new town, however, was a place that was more concerned with athletic ability.  It was quite clear that those who played sports were on the "in", and that was someplace I longed to be.  I joined activities in my primary school years that I had no interest in whatsoever; despite that I participated because I felt that if I was doing what "they" were doing, I would be part of something.  It was exhausting as year to year I followed others in search of using a "ready-made" personality, compliments of whomever I decided to emulate.

It wasn't until a personal crisis a year out of college I was forced to take a long, hard look at myself and discover who I really was and what I really wanted.  Using meditation as a tool to help alleviate my anxiety, I found initially, I struggled to sit with my own thoughts for longer then a few seconds.  As time went on however, it became easier to sit with myself, I craved the meditation and a break from the world.   If I am truly focusing on a meditation, then in that particular moment it means I am present, with no one else but myself, my spirit and a God of my understanding.  To create a life that I feel is "fulfilling", it is imperative that I be "present", because if I am not - I will come to that merry-go-round that says "the grass is always greener" or "tomorrow I will start …"

I have found that looking at my life right now is the same as looking at my meditation practice.  I need to let go of expectations.
In meditation, I feel that I should be able to sit for long periods of time and be completely in the moment.  Of course, that RARELY happens.  The best meditation practices for me are usually the ones I don't plan, because they lack expectation.  They are impromptu.  I don't think too much about trying to be in the moment with these, I just am, because at that point in time I need to be.  When I start to think too much about my future - my friends also help talk me off the ledge:)  I'm a strong believer in creating a network of support and taking care of relationships in my life.  They help  me remember there is more to life then just my own issues and expectations of myself.

Myself and two of my oldest and best friends, Kate and Courtney.













If I can let go of expectations for myself and feelings of "at this point in my life, I should be here…" I know I can accomplish so much more then I could ever expected.  After all…expectation is the root of all heartache.

Lois Nesbitt and Jessica Bellofatto 
I am currently in the middle of Sally Kempton's book "Meditation for the Love of It".  Sally is a spiritual teacher and her book was recommended by my yoga teachers Jessica Bellofatto and Lois Nesbitt who are currently guiding me through my 200hr yoga teacher training this year.  They rock, I included their websites below!   Although I have not met Sally, through her book and online guided meditations she makes meditation incredibly accessible.  I felt her website article: Take the Plunge! expresses how meditation and a yoga practice can guide us through life changing periods.  There are so many forms of meditation and not every practice is right for every person.  I am in no way an expert or even a novice which is why I included these links - but I am truly grateful to have the chance to work with my teachers on my practice through training.




I will be posting more on yoga and these awesome ladies soon!

For more on Jessica BellofattoLois Nesbitt and Sally Kempton visit their sites:
Jessica Bellofatto Website
Lois Nesbitt Website 
Sally Kempton Website
Kama Deva Yoga - visit Jess or Lois for a class!






Saturday, January 11, 2014

The Squeeky Wheelchair

This post makes so proud to be part of such an awesome family.  I grew up as the oldest of 13 cousins on my mother's side and 11 out of 13 of us are girls.  We are a group of loud, crazy and opinionated blondes. One VERY opinionated blonde is my cousin, Kathleen, who was born with cerebral palsy as well as a gift for the written word.  I asked her to write a post for me because Kathleen is the author of the blog titled "The Squeeky Wheelchair" and discusses, with incredible wit and humor, issues concerning the public and those with "disabilities."  In this post, Kathleen talks her about her quest in life to be of service to others and how she deals with the bumps along the road…   
All 13 cousins with Kathleen, front row center and myself, front row right.

Since I was born with cerebral palsy, I have been helped and taken care of for all of my life. People are used to
me needing help, and often people with disabilities are portrayed exclusively in the context of how they need to be assisted. More often than not, we are placed on the receiving end of volunteerism and giving. As I grew older, I realized that I too wanted to give to others, an idea that in the eyes of society is a strange role reversal. While I appreciate all the assistance that is given to me on a daily basis, it is frustrating to be viewed by others as someone who is always to be helped and never to do the helping. It is this attitude I believe that often leads to the exclusion of people with disabilities from organizations and systems that affect them… so many entities exist “about” us and  “for us” but how often does society highlight a person who has a disability’s capability to do, give, or be and not merely to receive others’ good? 
Kathleen Downes

I have known from an early age that I want to help people. Perhaps this comes from my experiences with all those who have helped me. Perhaps it’s just a part of my personality. I think it’s a little of both. Even though I use a wheelchair full-time and need a personal care assistant to even get out of my bed, I believe and always will believe that everyone can serve others. 

Kathleen and her twin sister, Claire


My quest to do just that has sometimes been met with uncertainty, skepticism, or flat out narrow-mindedness. When I pursue a volunteer or service opportunity, I still feel nervous sometimes to what I jokingly call “drop the bomb” because unfortunately, some people assume that a person like me can only be helped. The tone of surprise when I want to give something to the community rather than receive it is often downright frustrating. I’ve been politely told that “it would take a while to find something for you to do” due to the practice of summing up one’s ability to be of service based on how much she can move or use her hands.

 Sadly, I have even encountered this at organizations that do disability-related work, whose staff seem somewhat flummoxed at the thought of someone with a disability doing work that affects her rather than letting decisions be made about her demographic. If such people were thinking clearly, they would realize that hiring a disabled person in the disability services realm is simply increasing the expertise within the organization. 

Kathleen and her two sisters, Claire and Maggie


Despite the frustrations I’ve encountered, I still pursue my dream of going into the service professions. I want to have a career in disability services or social work, and to show other people that I belong on both the giving and receiving end of the world’s good, just like everyone else. Finding a role for me is sometimes more challenging given my physical impairments, but finding a meaningful role for me, and for anyone like me is not only possible, but worthwhile. It just takes some creativity, a property already essential to any great organization. 
I am fortunate that I have enjoyed a regular volunteer job at school, working at a childcare facility for kids in crisis. The skeptics out there would ask what I can do for children. I’m not strong enough to lift a child or even to change a diaper. But if that’s what society thinks loving a child is about, then our children have a bleak future ahead of them. I may not be able to lift them, but I can still talk to them, play with them, and teach them. I hope my presence is a lesson to them that everyone can give something. However, based on the extraordinary love they have shown me, I do not think children are the ones who need to be taught. Instead, I hope when they grow up, they will join a generation that knows everyone can serve. I am extremely grateful for the inclusivity extended to me at the nursery, and I hope one day, all entities will have the same attitude. 

Kathleen and our cousin, Cara at an Illinois/Michigan Game

We’re used to seeing the calls “to help people with disabilities”, to “do service for people with disabilities”, most of which are amazing, wonderful calls. But we want to help too. I refuse to accept that we can only exist in the context of those who are helped. Everyone can, and everyone should do something to better the community, because each of us is a part of it. To assume I am merely a person for whom life can be bettered is a terrible mistake.

For more visit: The Squeeky Wheelchair

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Inspiration


in·spi·ra·tion
 noun \ˌin(t)-spə-ˈrā-shən, -(ˌ)spi-\
: something that makes someone want to do something or that gives someone an idea about what to do or create : a force or influence that inspires someone.

I am a person who loves to be inspired.  I was inspired to create this blog because I am at a turning point in my life.  In my late twenties I am realizing that I am not ready to settle for a life that I just enjoy.  I am looking for a way to combine my passions into a life-long journey and career. The first step in this journey involves people who have touched me in some way. I am asking them to share their stories to learn from their unique experience.
However, there is one person who is not around today that I wish I could introduce you to.  

​A woman who personified courage, strength and grace.  When I was twenty years old one of my mother's close friends passed away from breast cancer.  This woman, Lucia, was someone I always loved being around and I came to realize this is because she always inspired me. 

Lucia Terzi Bagan
Lucia lived at the east end of Long Island when she met her husband and married in her mid-thirties.  She
was full of life and loved by all who knew her.  Never one to sugarcoat, Lucia always ​called things as they were and was the type of person to get the job done, whatever it required.  I remember sitting in my parents kitchen complaining ​ to Lucia about about all the books I had to carry to class from my dorm room and Lucia's remark would be "I used to ride into the city every day from Long Island to go to school and I lugged all my photography equipment and bags with me, you'll live."  She was absolutely stunningly beautiful but also one tough mama.  

While breastfeeding her newborn daughter she discovered a lump and was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer shortly thereafter.  At the time she had her newborn daughter, Daniella, and her three year old son, Luciano.  After going through treatment and remission it reappeared again. In her last few months, as I have been told, she explained to her friends that they must go out and help those who were also affected by this disease.  Not just the ill, but their families as well, as she was thinking of her husband and two children at the
time.


Lucia and friends at hospice during her last days
Even in her last days she was thinking of others.  From this Lucia's Angels was born.  Lucia's Angels is a "foundation committed to helping women and families on Eastern Long Island with late-stage women’s cancers including breast cancer, ovarian cancer, cervical cancer and uterine cancer."   Her friends set up this foundation right after she passed.  The women of Lucia's Angels inspire me - I've never seen a group who gets things done the way these ladies do.  
Lucia's Angels board members at the opening of "Lucia's Room" in Southampton Hospital

These women are relentless when it comes to helping others.  To me an "inspiring" person or people are those who's actions go outside of themselves in order to serve the greater good, to lift people up when they themselves may even be down.  I realize each person has their own idea of what constitutes an "inspirational" person.  So what is yours? 
My brother, myself and my father at a 2-day walk.  Our team benefitted Lucia's Angels