I started this blog as a way to reach out to others who have had a vision or goal and learn from them as they discuss how they've turned it into fruition. While I have been rounding people up and setting up interviews and emailing out questionnaires to publish on the blog, I realized this has also turned into a place where I talk about my journey(s) through my life, the everyday and beyond.
I feel that everyday we take many different journeys, whether they be literal or figurative. The journey to get to work, the journey to create a home filled with love, the journey to eat healthy, the journey through a break-up, a career change, a cancer diagnosis, death of a loved one. I feel that some journeys are inherently awesome - like falling in love or starting that new job you worked really hard for, while others not so much. My father is currently going through a journey with a rare lymphoma diagnosis and subsequent treatment. However, I have found that no matter what journeys life presents me with I always have a choice. To take the journey with love or with fear.
Two years ago I fell in love for the first time in my life. I was living in South Florida and had already made plans to move back to New York to start my graduate degree. I had a crush on an acquaintance of mine and told my friend. She told me to ask him out but I argued with her using every excuse in the book. The best one being, "what's the point - I'm moving to NY in six months". My friend, ever the romantic and optimist, said "just do it, you never know". That night I messaged him on Facebook because I was too scared to ask him out in person. We started dating, fell in love and had a decision to make. We could break up, I could forgo grad school and stay in Florida or we could try long-distance. We went into it knowing the risks of long-distance relationships but also knowing it was the right thing for us at that point in time. We choose to take that journey with love in our hearts instead of fear. A little over a year and a half later I am almost finished with grad school and we are planning my move back down.
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| My boyfriend, Sean, and I on Christmas Eve 2013 |
When my father was diagnosed a few months ago I was petrified. He was diagnosed with an incredibly rare, dangerous non-hodgkin lymphoma. However, I am no stranger to cancer. Eight years ago my mother had breast cancer. At that time, I chose fear and avoidance. I was young. I stayed out all night partying with my friends and trying to numb my way through my mother's diagnosis. I also felt like I understood breast cancer. Tumor. Chemo. Recovery. (For those who are not too far progressed like my mother's - Thank God for early detection). In knowing this, I felt like I just wanted to black out until she was fixed. My dad's was not so clean-cut. He was sick for months with blood tests coming back and doctor's trying to figure out what was going on. Then one day I looked at him after an appointment and without him even telling me I knew something was wrong. He was yellow. The man who was my rock and constant looked so sick. For days we waited to find out a diagnosis. While torturous, I was fully present with my father and my family. The difference this time was I chose love over fear. I was in constant touch with my parents and siblings, praying and reaching out to others for my own emotional health. While my father is still going through treatment I am hopeful, my heart fills with love every time I speak with him because I realize how lucky I am. At this moment in time I have my dad and I can be the daughter I wasn't a few years ago when my mom was sick.
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| My father and I (at 3 years old). |
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| My father at Christmas this year with my dog, Tucker. |
So, I've decided to rename the blog: "Love Filled Journeys". Soon, I will be posting on my domain under "lovefilledjourneys.com". However, while that is under construction here are the journeys I am
on and the features I am setting up for the blog and website.
My Current Love Filled Journeys:
12 Months of Self-Help/Inner Discoveries/Motivation and more!
I've decided one of my journeys for this year was to read through a bunch of the books concerning personal development/inner discoveries/motivation I've had collecting dust by my bed. I hate the word "self-help" I feel it implies our innate "self" is not good enough and that we must extract from the external to become better people. However, what I love about this time we are in is I feel there is a new wave of awesome women and men who are working to help people tap into their own talents and innate gifts. This wave of "personal-development" is really saying we are "enough" and we already have what it takes to create the lives we want, we just need to learn how to access the tools inside ourselves. I want to truly work through some of my blocks that are limiting me in doing things I love because of fear. The plan is to post about each book and the journey I take while reading the books and working through my blocks.The four I have at the top are:
1. "The Desire Map" By Danielle LaPorte, discussed in my previous post: "Multi-tasking and The Desire Map"
2. "The Gift of Change" by Marianne Williamson
3. "The Generosity Plan: Sharing Your Time, Treasure and Talent to Shape the World" by Kathy LeMay
4. "May Cause Miracles" by Gabrielle Bernstein
Journey through "Yoga Teacher Training"
Yes! I am currently half-way through my yoga teacher training with Lois Nesbitt of Blue Sky Yoga and Jessica Bellofatto owner of Kama Deva Yoga in East Hampton. I will be posting updates from each of my training weekends and the progress I am making through my studies! |
| My Teachers: Lois Nesbitt and Jessica Bellofatto |
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| Winter's Night Teacher Training Observations at Mandala Yoga in Amagansett, NY |
Fear Files:
As I said above I am working busting through my own blocks to conquer my fear and create more room for love and freedom in my life. I grew up a fearful child. I was insecure and always felt I didn't have enough or that I was enough. While I have done a lot of work in the department of self-love, one of the things I still struggle with is my desire to fulfill my artistic side with music and performance while being deathly afraid of failing at something I love so much. I am building a section called the "Fear Files" where I write down my list of fears and try to conquer them one by one.The first two in my fear files are:
1. Take an acting class and report back - Signed up for March
2. Sing on stage - Signed up for a vocal course and am performing in May
Here is something from my "Fear Files" (singing again) that I though I'd put up now to get the ball rolling: please excuse any guitar mistakes!! (I taught myself the last 2 years:)
My other objective for the "Fear Files" are to have guest writers come on "The Squeaky Wheelchair", and have them recount stories of fears they have conquered through action.
Looking forward to the future with some amazing "love filled journeys!"
xx Mary
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